Starting Fresh August 15, 2011 at 8:20 pm
Your relationship has ended and after some time of healing you’re out dating again. You want to start fresh and begin anew without the person who caused you pain and suffering before. But how do you do this when you keep dwelling on the past? Each new person you meet is compared to the one before. Worst of all in some close knit social circles one may even be dating people that already know one’s ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and therefore may have notions about one that one would not like. Even without this, one may be engaging in damaging comparisons that keep one from seeing the other person clearly.
First off, break off and find new people to connect with. It may not be a good idea to date from within one’s circle of friends but instead many people find it better and less drama inducing to look for new people one is not connected too. This can be hard in small towns, or even large cities where one may not know where to start. That’s where personals sites are beneficial, allowing one to draw from a much wider pool of people than one could ever hope to find through in person socialization, and allowing one to get away from the incestuous social circles that plague many of us in seeking relationships.
Then when one meets someone from the dating site, it’s important to start clean and fresh. Don’t assume they will be just like one’s previous partners even if one detects similarities. And on early or first dates don’t talk about the past. Don’t vent or compare. Instead make sure to emphasize the good things in life, the things that make one happy and talk about hopes and plans for the future. Later on there will be plenty of time to share in each other’s baggage and hurts, but for now focus on what is good and attract someone new.